Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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