A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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