i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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