Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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