Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
