I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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