Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
