That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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