I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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