fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
