haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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