He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
