SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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