oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
