he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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