This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
