Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
