can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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