i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
