Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
