don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
