i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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