Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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