Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She needs sedatives and a leash
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize