My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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