Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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