You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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