it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
