i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize