i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
