i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Rumble strips road head = magical
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
