brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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