You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Shame - the story of my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
