I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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