Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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