I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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