I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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