dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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