So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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