Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
