'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize