last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
