I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
