every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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