Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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