He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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