i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
