i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
And then he peed in my hair
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