im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
