We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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