we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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