Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
