I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
