Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
