i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
