Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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