i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
