just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
