My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
