it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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