god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
