i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize