Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
