So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
