last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
