I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
