There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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