So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
