I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
should my penis look like a turkey
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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