11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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