Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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