dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize