She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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