her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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